id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
