I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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