So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
