So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
