i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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