Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
