And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
