I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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