I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
