Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
