a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
