she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
