Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
