and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
