After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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