I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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