my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
