Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
