the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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