I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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