i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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