and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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