Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
