So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
