will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
did you just send me my own nude
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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