I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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