we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
