Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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