You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
