babies were throwing up all over the place
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
