I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
