I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
