she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
