Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
