It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
