its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
