I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
