singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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