I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
