u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We got so high we made milksteak
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
