Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Randomize
