i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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