definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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