You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
