There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
