I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Randomize
