Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
