Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
