it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I have already put on my inside pants.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
