i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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