Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize