hotel room ftw
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
