I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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