he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
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