you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
