I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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