is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
