Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
