You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
