when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
