I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
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