Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
