The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize