Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
