That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
