I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
