I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize