It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
