She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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