you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
