Someone shit on the floor
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It's shark week go big or go home
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
